I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
