I'm really into asian looking animals
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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