You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
