doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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