i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
where are my eyebrows?
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