I wanna bring you to show and tell
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'd cum for enchiladas.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
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