soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
