I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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