fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
