Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
