hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
