I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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