she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Of course I have a pirate flag
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Randomize
