Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
no more duck duck goose at the bar
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
