I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
