i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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