Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
