He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
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its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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