I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
