She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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