you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
