make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
