I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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