she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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