There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
