Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
