I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
