i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
