I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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