He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
my liver is dry heaving
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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