I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
