First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
