He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
