I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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