I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
