Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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