i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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