32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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