Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
