well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
