I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I want her autograph on my taint
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
