I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
