so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
