i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
