3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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