i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
