my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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