I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
