He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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