checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
