I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
