WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
In America we eat man semen.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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