Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
third nipple confirmed
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
