seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
