theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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