ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
What drink are we having for lunch?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
