i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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