C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
