thus making me awesome and them whores
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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