butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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