"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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