if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
