we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
