Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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